Plus Size Confidence; My Story
10:45 AM
Hey loves,
This post I decided to write because I get this question A LOT! Most of you have asked me 'How am I so Confident?' Or ' Where does my confidence come from?' I'm sure you've read hundreds of article online on how to be more confident. But this is a little different. I want to share part of my confidence journey because believe me, becoming the confident young I am right now wasn't easy and definitely did not happen over night. Sometimes society wants us to believe that being plus size & confident shouldn't be in the same sentence, but I'm here to let you know that it is possible. I am a living testament.
It always warms my heart when the young ladies in high school reach out to me. Because I see so much of me in them. From the time that I was in elementary school I was always the biggest and I was always bullied. So when I give advice to you all who ask, it really is coming from a place of understanding.
I can remember around the 3rd grade, my class was lined up outside the door of our classroom waiting to walk in. An older boy wanted to get to his locker, so instead of him saying "excuse me". He says "move fatty" and put his hand to try and push me. I literally broke down. I turned and faced the locker and balled my eyes out.
I can remember that same year, two 8th grade girls they picked on me religiously. It was to the point that I was afraid to be seen alone in the hallway if they were around. I would get so nervous that I couldn't see straight and would walk with my eyes glued to the floor. There was one particular time when I was in the hallway, my bookbag zipper had got caught in the grates of one of the lockers. Trying my hardest to release it, my friends had gone on to class. And who would come trolloping through the hallway but my 1 of my bullies with her sister in toe. (Her sister never really picked on me, but she was a follower.) The second I saw her round the corner my heart started beating double time. My hands got sweaty and started to shake. I overheard my bully "whispering" to her sister "that's the fat girl I told you about. She's fat ain't she" Her sister didn't respond but thank god as soon as she said that my bookbag zipper came loose and I ran straight to class.
I can remember one summer I was about 7 or 8 at summer camp. That particular week started off fine. I made friends we were cool. But I guess mid week and new boy showed up at camp. All the girls were drooling over him. He said he wanted to start a singing group and they would have "practice" during lunch. But only the skinny girls could join. Leaving me to eat lunch alone the rest of the week.
I can remember in middle school a girl name Shana Canada...(yup throwing names here.) She was standing by the doorway in my classroom. I wanted to get pass her so I said excuse me. She refused to move so I slid pass her the best way I could. She turned to me & said "your fat ass knew you couldn't fit through there. You should've waited til I moved" she rolled her eyes and walked off.
High school wasn't so bad when dealing with my classmates. But is was new kind of beast for me. I played basketball all 4 years of hs. And while it afforded me some pleasantries, I was absolutely miserable. Some of my teammates (SOME not all) use to talk about me like a dog. At times I would cringe at the some of the things that I was able to hear. I didn't even want to think about the things that I didn't hear. I was very much an outcast on both my high school & AAU teams. I had a select few that were nice to me. But for the most part I didn't get along with them. At the time some of my teammates were the very reason why I was so afraid of my body. They laughed at me wanting to show my legs or wearing a skirt. They would stalk my myspace (yup aging myself here) then purposely talk about it amongst themselves while we were together. I was so embarrassed to be me. They called me smelly, they talked about my hair, they never wanted to encourage me, they would plan outings and never invite me. And these are girls I spent 5-6 months with every year. I know you're like why did I keep coming back? Well that's simple
1. I don't believe in quitting something.
2. It would look good on my college applications.
3. I thought if I tried harder to get along with them everything would be fine.
But then at some point during my senior year of high school, I don't remember exactly when, it hit me. I just didn't give a f*ck about whether or not people think I'm fat. I know what my body looks like when I look in the mirror. But I got tired of cowering, tired of feeling bad about my body, feeling like I need to change my body in order to be accepted. It's been a hard road, but honestly I love the woman that I've grown into. In a weird way I'm grateful for my bullies. Because without them I never would've learned to grow thick skin. I never would've learned how to deal with the ugly people of the world. So when I get dressed, I get dressed for me, for me to feel good. And if I break a few hearts in the process, I'll take that.
I opened up about this not for you to feel sorry for me, but because I want you all to understand I know how you feel. I've been where you're at. I've been bullied and made fun of. Hell to this day people still talk about me. I know some people feel that I'm too harsh when giving advice. But truthfully I believe in telling you what you need to hear, not what you want. I never want to coddle you guys, because that doesn't do you any good. I know it's hard now, I know you think it won't get better, but I am a living testament. My 14/15/16 year old self would NEVER do a fraction of the things I do now. You can get to the point where you can love yourself, it is possible. But you have to be willing to step outside yourself, make yourself uncomfortable in order to become comfortable in who you are as a person.
I hope this post can helps someone out there. I love you guys!
xoxo
Shay
I hope this post can helps someone out there. I love you guys!
xoxo
Shay
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7 comments
I have always been bigger than the girls around me. I was
ReplyDeletewearing a real bra since age 8. True curves came shortly thereafter. I never
had an issue with confidence. I guess I don’t understand when other people do. I
also have brothers and uncles that taught me to fight like a man so I never got
bullied. Folks tried, but I have never been one to be shy about throwing the 1st
punch. And my parents are intimidating and usually backed me up. Maybe I’m
spoiled.
I have noticed that thinner people seem to resent my
confidence and comfort in my own skin. That’s neither my business nor problem. I
don’t get why it’s okay to be attractive, well groomed and dressed
appropriately ONLY if one is thin. If one is bigger, she should apologize by
being busted??? I just don’t get it.
I feel your hurt and understand the bullying you endured.I was not bullied in school,but my daughter and only child was bullied.From her Pre-K to middle school.I literally felt her anguish and pain.She grew timid,lacked self confidence.I tried to help make it better.I counselled her,did all the things I could.Until one day it all came loose and it was ugly.She fought her way that day for the years she suffered.Fast forward...
ReplyDeleteToday she is a happier confident and self assured teen.She has embraced her beautiful and many curves, and I can tell the difference.She is active and healthy and it shows.Thank you Shay for sharing and helping women and Teens with your blog.I have showed her your pics and read your Bio.
Again,we thank you.
Wow! I never knew! You've always been very outgoing and confident to me, but these days you've outdone yourself! And, I love it. Everytime I see you strutting your plus-size self, I think WOW! I love her confidence. And, even though you're already beautiful, your confidence makes you even more so! When you were walking down the catwalk on the Today's show, I watched it like 3 times. I didn't even notice any of the other women! LOL! Thanks for sharing your story. It'll inspire others to love themselves, just the way they are! Hugs & Love!
ReplyDeleteI was teased all my life for just the opposite...being too small. People. Just can't please them. Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate. You helped me remember that as long as I love myself that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experiences Shay, many of us can relate. I don't think I'm quite at that confidence place yet...but I am definitely far from where I was at at 15 or 16. No one can make another person feel confident, but sure helps to see that others have accomplished it to whatever degree and so you know it's possible. :-)
ReplyDeleteBeauty Isles | An Island Girl's Beauty and Lifestyle Blog
Its basically all about trendy accessories and that is what women bother the most which is a good thing because fashion should be the one that is in trends.
ReplyDeleteSunglasses Fashion
You're so beautiful! You are such an inspiration to me and I'm a 40-something year old woman. I can only imagine how impactful your confidence is on teens and young women. Your story literally brought tears to my eyes. It gives credence to the metaphor of gold having to pass through the fire in order for its true beauty to be revealed. Those experiences might have broken a lot of people, including myself. You are so strong, resilient and beautiful! Thank you for baring your soul and sharing your story.
ReplyDelete